“If I told you, you’d think I was mad!”

A fatalistic atheist outsider experimenting with drugs? Not a good image to the reader, and may not be a precise description, but something like that.

Sometimes you discover things are not as you thought. Even then there are choices, the new view can be suppressed or put aside to avoid the problems that a change of view can bring. Some things can take a long time to grow.

In the early Seventies there was a Yehudi Menuhin concert at Centennial Hall, in Adelaide’s Wayville Showground. A small group of us in our early twenties and late teens smoked some cannabis around the side on some steps, and then went inside. I was surprised to find that the seating was all deck chairs, but we made our way to our seats and sat down.

An experience followed that contradicted my view of the world. As soon as I was seated I found myself in a completely different place. The floor was all black and white check tiles with white stone columns and roman arches atop extending in rows away from where I stood. There was no roof. Looking for the limit to the rows, I saw a direction where the rows of columns seemed to end, and set out in that direction.

As soon as I got near the edge, and saw the void beyond, I got an information deposit in my brain, a god dropping perhaps. I assume this is what religious people mean by “received knowledge” or "illumination", except I was being handed something unusable, something you couldn’t repeat without being laughed at. Ironically I also knew that was part of the lesson involved.

I “knew” that the checkered floor and columned area were “agreed reality”, while the void represented all other possible realities beyond that, and I had the opportunity, in that moment, to jump, and in that jump to experience a singular reality, to take a one in infinity trip. There was no suggestion of anything being on the other side of the void. I saw the void as an abyss. Was that really where I was going, and what I wanted to do?

This was the central focus of the lesson, but it was the collateral information that made it laughable in the retelling. It was made quite clear to me that this opportunity/information was brought to me by one "Yahwehahoo, a marijuana spirit, somehow related to mushrooms, but not really", that looked like a grinning refugee from Sherwood Forest, or a full sized sprite or elf. The name made the experience rather difficult to retell to anyone sane, knowing they should immediately suspect me of the opposite. While I could not deny the event to myself, no one else could be expected to believe it.

The name Yahwehahoo could be seen as profanation of the Ineffable Name, except that scholars seem to agree that Yahweh is not the correct Ineffable Name, but an academically accepted substitute for the true name. Yahweh did not emerge as an interpretation of the name of the biblical god till the 1800s. Prior to that Jehovah was the common English rendering. Why that name?.

I have often tried to play down that name, as I do not like provoking things more violent than thought and discussion. It was a non-disclosure clause in itself, a double whammy. My main thought from that is that I am meant to be discouraged from telling anything of the experience for fear of ridicule and causing division. Even if no one ever reads this, its best to have it as clear as possible in my own head.

Considering the jump question, I realised I did not wish to take that jump, and was not as reckless as I sometimes pretended. At this point, within the “experience”, one of my companions appeared, reminding me of the concert.

There I was, back at the concert, being shaken, by that same person. It seems my unresponsive staring state had caused a reaction. It was not “spooky”, but it didn’t fit in with my world picture either. It had happened, but didn’t gel with any reality I subscribed to. My spirit shock left me distracted, questioning myself over it.

I know I would be lying if I described it as a “dream”, because it certainly wasn’t, but how else could it be rationalised? It was an annoying contradiction of my self image as an atheist. I was left knowing that I wasn’t looking for the ultimate trip, and that spiritual matters can be quite peculiar. Naturally enough, with time, these thoughts faded as life went on.

A couple of years later, out on the Town all night with a Mediterranean businessman and his two friends, we finished up going to his house as the rest of the city was awakening. My businessman friend was a good dresser, so were his friends, so I was a bit surprised to find that the wife and children lived in reduced circumstances in a run down neighbourhood. The macho raves fell emptily here. I had taken some LSD around 2:00am, and that definitely affected my view.

I took respite on a lounge chair in a room with duck egg blue peeling paint and floral lino on the floor, curled up at the edges. A little boy, around 2 years old, came in, and pissed in his pants as he stopped and looked at me, then ran out, leaving a yellow puddle behind on the floor.

Then I was somewhere else again, a black marble oval shaped arena, encircled at the edge with familiar looking round columns and lintels, (like Stonehenge top bits) only this time they are black. I turn to look at the short end of the oval, behind, and it is full of bunting, eagle pennants, and swastikas. Cheering from behind brings me full turn to behold an arena now filled with black and brown-shirted soldiers, all giving me the sig-heil. The body I inhabit erupts into an excited speech on the benefits of the new day he is bringing for his people. I’m in Hitler, not actually him, but inside his head, and today’s lesson is that this man is not evil in the demonic sense, but truly believes in what he is doing, and the rightness of it, as did most of his followers. They did not see themselves as evil. The same Yahwehahoo was my guide.

Bang. As soon as I get the lesson, I’m back in the armchair. I got up, walked out, and went home. My concept of evil had changed. The lesson or insight was obviously correct. I could see the reality of large groups throughout history committing atrocities to enforce some perceived correction without ever considering their actions “evil”. I could now see the potential for the "Evils of Group Righteousness", let alone individual acts.

After that, nothing like it happened for a long, long time. Waiting or watching for those kind of lessons seemed to keep them away.

In the calendar Noughties, in my own Fifties, I had a bad flu with a fever. No drugs. At the peak of it I dreamt that I had Spanish Flu Biological Internet Broadband, and my coughing fits were the modem handshake as I hooked up. The only trouble was that an Invasion Fleet Intergalactic Broadband on the other side of the galaxy generated bad interference, caused dropouts and the frequent re-connections were physically exhausting me. It all seemed logical at the time. In the middle of the night after passing through stormy troubled waters between reconnections, there came a very calm spot, so the boatman and I went in to dock, and the same Yahwehahoo was there. The dock poked out of a white sandy beach with palm trees, but everything beyond that was lost in a white-out glare of light behind. He told me that although he was there for me, it was not my time to arrive, and I had to go back. That place of welcoming peace would still be there when the right time did come. All was unfolding just as it should. It was so peaceful, it was devastating. “Truly, I have seen paradise” and “The peace that surpasses all understanding” are phrases that come to mind. We obediently came back to my dream stream, and a slightly more restful sleep. Interestingly, despite the broken sleep, it was a very clear memory.

It was so clichéd as an image, and yet an astonishing comfort in the way that fear and worry fell away with it. It carried over. After that hideous flu lifted the feeling remained.

Discussion:

I tried to explain away the first two of these glimpses, and “drugs” came to mind, but I knew it wasn’t. The glimpses were so out of context, so unlike the normal run of any drug effect, that they were confronting. With the most recent experience there were no drugs in the system, except perhaps some cold tablets. That was a clincher. As a professed atheist, I find it ironic that I seem to have a benign spirit guide that offers me insights, and provides some of the comforts of a faith. It is also ironic that I had to “wrestle with my faith”, in that I had difficulty in both denying the “messages”, and in accepting what it represented.

None of these experiences had any obvious or revealed connection to any current organised religion. My guide was not an ultimate being, and gave no indication of validating any particular divine being or associated organisation.

I cant help trying to narrow this down to a religious tradition. Conditioning showing.
• Irreverent Celtic Guide
• Columns, arches, chequered floors, squares and ovals
• The “Crossing” of water with a boatman

The guide: Yahwehahoo: elf (full size) Robin Hood look, no clear face, green garments
Described self as “a marijuana sprit, related to mushrooms, but not really” which seemed to be an inside joke of his. No wings in the back, no white robes. He did not physically speak anyway; this information was in the received knowledge package. He just stood there with a knowing challenging grin. Questions: Father Nature? Green Man? (no oak growing out of the mouth), Is Robin Hood an alternate pagan figure? Some say so.

The architecture: The first location, columns topped with arches, not used in Roman temples, they used beams like Greek temples. Arches reserved for victory monuments (and aqueducts?). Columns and arches were used in pre-gothic “Romanesque” Christian churches. (1000 to 1200 AD) That’s a narrow time period. The structure in the first instance was not a temple or church, and resembles no earthly structure that I know of. The structure in the second combined elements of Stonehenge, and an Arena, but in black stone.

The boatman: No white light at the end of a tunnel, but a dock across the water with boat and boatman part of the service. It was a bit glary, very sunny, behind the palms along the white sandy beach though, making it impossible to see beyond. Babylonian, Greek and Roman Pantheons have boatmen. He couldn’t have been the Roman one because he didn’t ask for the fare, possibly more than two obolus by now. There was no suggestion of a “Hell”.

Columns and beams
Africa, Continent, Asia - Dolmens 3000 - 4000 BC
Egypt 2600 BC (had arches and beams)
Greek 600 BC (no arches above ground, but used in underground drains)
Persia 424 BC
Romans 270 BC

Gnostic? – because it is clearly the lesson that matters, and not the channel. The connection was directed toward attaining knowledge or awareness rather than confirming faith, or inducing any evangelism. No, no superhuman saviour awaited. No evil flesh/good spirit connotations.

Actions:
Showed me what I was not.
Corrected my understanding of evil.
Said everything’s fine, but you’re too early, come back later.

Within the religious frameworks that I am aware of, this seems to suggest an Other Side, one with guides that give the odd helpful pointer or word of comfort, though, in another context, I was a forced conversion. I was not seeking any sort of genuine enlightenment or religious experience from drugs, just experiencing as much as possible while the body was young and able. I didn’t want to make my life a slave to my death, so I was open to new experience. I wasn’t ever expecting these experiences described above. The other side agent, Yahwehahoo, let me know it was there, and seemed to enjoy the shock effect. That was a great confusion for an atheist. The lessons were good, but the source was disturbing and thought provoking.

Obviously, I am not meant to be any sort of prophet, nor was I given any message relating to any one else. It was quite clear that it was all for personal consumption. Remarkable. Vision or delusion?

Would nature build in such a delusion, or would such a delusion have evolved? What survival value would it have?

Seemed to show that everyone has a spirit link to the ineffable with or without a specific “religion” or its accoutrements.

I have found material under "spiritualism" that seems to relate:

A spirit guide is a spirit person who works closely with a medium. He/she has a variety of jobs, but their main concern is to teach the medium spiritual truth. They can be looked upon as helpers, guiding and advising the medium about clairvoyance, healing, and other spiritual skills.

Who are they?

A guide could be anybody, but often they have lived on earth many centuries ago. Because of the time spent in spirit, they have become highly developed in spiritual ways. They choose to remain close to the earth life, and act as a link and teacher. Many mediums will often tell of their guide as being a Red Indian or from some other exotic race. The reason is simply that Red Indians for example, lived a very spiritual existence, and also believed in their own psychic skills. Based on these backgrounds, they are ideally suited to spiritual work. But it is not always the case, the level of spirituality dictates if they able to take on the work, not the background. A guide could also be, as some mediums report, someone they knew in a previous life, or indeed a family member. Whoever the guide is, and from whatever background, the medium will have some form of affinity with them. It is this familiarity that bonds them and allows them to work closely together.

One guide for one medium?

For some, yes. But often a guide will be with a medium for a particular part of their life, or to teach certain things. It may also be that a medium has more than one guide, each assisting with various tasks that the medium performs. For example they may have guide that assists them with healing. For some mediums, they meet their guides very early on in their lives and that guide will stay with them until the end of their earth life. It could be that many people meet their guide in development circles, where they learn to know and trust them. Guides present themselves as people, and even have a sense of humour. They are also concerned with your personal growth not just your psychic ability, you don't have to be a medium to have a guide.

Thats kind of disappointing. It felt unique until I read that. So I'm a "Spiritualist" with one guide, which I cannot contact "at will", but who appears in his own time. The guide's "exotic" appearance is that of an outlaw legend, or large sprite or elf, dressed in green. It's not like spiritualist is a desirable label in our culture what with the kind of publicity normally attached to the term. I didn't meet any dead friends or family either.

If there is a god behind this learning trail, then that god is not well represented in the biblical tradition. I think any such god would be more ineffable than we humans can concieve of, so it is "beyond" us.

No salvation, heaven or hell, but "rejoining the all". There didn't seem to any condemnation, or sin lists to be atoned for. None of those sort of issues were apparent.

A faith was not required.

Of course it may be that the subconcious can try to speak to the concious and that before the moment of death, nature can deliver a bliss bomb of acceptance.